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Monday, 12 October 2009

  • he made me laugh until i cried

    He came back ya know. well actually we both did. after we broke up we both moved to different states. but now were back. i dont know if that means anything but were talking again. He was the first person i ever loved. the first person i chose to let in and chose to love. he was the only person i thought would be there and never let me down. until he did. he broke me in a way that no one else could break and no one else could fix. but somehow i still love him

    We started talking on the phone then i actually saw him again. and every. single. emotion. ive ever felt toward him came rushing back. He says he loves me. but he loves someone else too and doesnt know what to do. he wants to have one night. just us. like the old days to act on feelings and emotions and see if it could work.

    i dnt know what to do. blah is how i feel about it actually. the kind of blah that you feel when you tell yourself you dont care. he hasnt been in youre life for 2 yrs and you were fine without him. the kind of blah that you feel when you werent actually fine without him but had convinced yourself you were and you NEED him.

    i cant stop thinking about him. do i give him one night n see what happens. i just dont want to regret it. or worse to have been used.

    i remember when i was younger my grandma would always tell me to never settle for the badboy that we think we can change or save. rather wait for the one who wants to save and help you.

     

    well im waiting. somebody come save me. fix me. choose me. love me.

  • back

     

     

    alot has changed and happened in the past few months. the type of stuff that when it changes you, it change you in your soul. the type of stuff that after it happens you're the person who feels alone in a crowded room.

    i've been trying to stay positive but its so hard when you barely have time to breathe let alone a minute to collect yourself. but life goes on with or without you.

     

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

  • A New Beginning... Kind Of.

    So the insomniac that I've been lately I decided to start a journal/blog. I'm not too sure why but, personally I think I just need an outlet for my thoughts because honestly I don't think my friends want to hear it, nor would they care.

    It's not that I don't have friends, I'm just usually the carefree, silly, party girl. I feel that people expect to be that way 24/7 and frankly im exhausted. Not exhausted of the party lifestyle I don't think that will ever get old, well atleast until I'm ready to grow up, which frankly I think may never happen; but exhausted of holding it all in.

    But anyways here I am attempting to find a way to express myself and be, well the other side of me. Maybe I'll find a new beginning or way to be me.

chaosincollege

  • Visit chaosincollege's Xanga Site
    • Member Since: 5/27/2009

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